Society likes to talk about the survivors who overcame the bad, and came out kind.
They like to talk about the childhood sexual abuse survivor who became a social worker to help children in their situation.
They like to talk about the rape survivor who now runs a campaign to help other rape survivors.
They like to talk about the domestic abuse survivor who took an stand and found his voice. The one who now speaks out and spreads awareness for others in his situation.
They like to talk about the emotional abuse survivor who found her strength and uses a public platform to empower others.
While these are all amazing things, they can leave survivors who are still struggling with the messy parts feeling like they’re “wrong” or “weak” because they can’t handle it as gracefully.
And I see you.
I see the survivors who went through their trauma and didn’t come out kind, but came out mistrusting and hardened. They came out bitter.
I see the tears. And I don’t mean the “beautiful” crying you see shown in popular media. I mean the ugly crying. The heart wrenching sobs that take over your entire body and leave your eyes a bloodshot mess and snot coming out of your nose. I see the sobs that consume and can even leave you throwing up uncontrollably.
I see the angry survivors. I see the screaming and the angry outbursts. I see broken glass. And then there’s the quiet anger. I see the bloodied knuckles, cuts and burns because someone has so much anger but internalizes it so as not to “disturb” others. I see you. I see all of you.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
Society tries to portray us all as these beautifully tragic individuals. No one wants to believe something so terrible could happen in our world. They deal with it by saying, “everything happens for a reason. Just look at how it changes these people for the better.”
Rape is ugly. Abuse is ugly. Your healing does not have to be beautifully poetic.
Don’t let society bring you down. You are strong. You survived. And don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed because you didn’t do it the way society thinks you should.
Thank you for this. I have a hard time trusting people (especially teachers and people with the same accents) and it kind of hurts to this day to see people say that trauma makes you better and stronger than you were before. It made me worse, and I feel bad when I see people say that it makes you stronger and a more grateful person. This made me feel better, thank you.
i had to see my abuser recently at a cousin's wedding. this was compounded by the fact that my cousin and family invited him to the wedding knowing he had abused me. it made me feel very invalidated. as did the hotline worker i called who told me i needed to move on from my past. the thing is, during this time i developed multiple styes and chalazions in my eyes for which i had to get procedures done. my parents also questioned what i had done to cause the styes. (my doctor says it is normal and can be caused by stress) all this to say, i find it very convenient that a lot of people will hear about…