You Don’t Have to Feel Joy Just Because It’s the Holidays

The holidays are framed as a season of joy, connection, and celebration. Every commercial is filled with smiling families, every song on the radio insists it’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” and social media is overflowing with decorated trees and cheerful traditions.

But what if you don’t feel that way?

For many people, the holidays are complicated. They might bring up grief, loneliness, or painful memories. They might make you feel pressure to perform happiness when you’re struggling inside. You may feel numb, exhausted, or even resentful and all of those feelings are just as real and valid as joy.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You don’t have to force yourself into cheer just because it’s December. Feeling sad, overwhelmed, or detached doesn’t mean you’re doing the holidays “wrong.” It means you’re human, and you’re carrying your own story into this season.

Joy is not a requirement. You are allowed to feel exactly what you feel. Even if that’s grief, anger, emptiness, or stress.

There’s a lot of cultural pressure to “be merry” at this time of year. But forcing a smile when you’re hurting only deepens the pain. Pretending you’re okay to make others comfortable takes energy you might not have, and it denies your own truth in the process.

It’s okay if you don’t want to participate in traditions that feel hollow. It’s okay if your celebrations are smaller, quieter, or look completely different from what’s expected. It’s okay if you don’t celebrate at all.

Happiness is not a performance you owe anyone. You don’t have to shut the season out entirely if you don’t want to. You can shape it in ways that support you. That might mean choosing a comforting ritual like lighting a candle, watching a favourite movie, or making a meal you enjoy. It might mean creating your own tradition or leaning on the company of safe people. It might also mean letting yourself rest and do very little at all.

Whatever you choose, it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s holiday. What matters most is that it feels right for you.

You don’t have to feel joy just because it’s the holidays. Your feelings are valid. Your pace is valid. Your story is valid.

Whatever you feel this season, you are not alone in it.

I wrote a blog post with ideas for coping with trauma at the holidays. You can read it [here]

Disclaimer: This page is for informational and peer-support purposes only. I am not a medical or mental health professional. Please only do what feels safe for you, and skip anything that doesn’t. [Read my full disclaimer.]