How Do I Handle Feeling my Loved Ones Deserve Better Than Me?
- April Goff
- 7 days ago
- 2 min read
“My partner deserves better than me.” If you’ve ever had this thought, you’re not alone. It’s a feeling that can creep in, especially when you’re struggling with BPD or self-worth. Here’s how I personally handle it (with my partner as my example for this.)
1. Remember: It’s not my decision to make. I don’t have the right to decide my partner “deserves better.” He’s chosen to be with me. Part of respecting him is respecting that he’s making choices that make him happy.
2. Practice self-neutrality first. Jumping straight to self-love can feel impossible. I aim for self-neutrality. Instead of, “I’m so pathetic for having a bad day,” I try: “I’m having a bad day. That’s okay. Everyone has bad days, and this won’t last forever.”
3. Challenge irrational thoughts. If I’m thinking, “He deserves better,” I ask myself:
Why do I feel this way right now?
Did something specific trigger it?
Would I think someone else was undeserving for whatever reason is leading me to believe this? (The answer is always no.)
If the thought came from having an “off day,” I remind myself of the good things I do for him like making his lunch, listening when he vents, or being present for him in ways that matter.
4. Notice your growth. I consciously work on my BPD and my communication. Even on bad days, my self-awareness helps me do better than I used to. Looking at my progress helps my self-esteem and reminds me I’m trying and that effort counts.
5. Respect their choice. At the end of the day, your partner gets to decide who they want to be with. If they’re choosing you, try to honor that choice instead of questioning it.
This post is for informational and peer-support purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Read our full Disclaimer here.
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