How to Challenge Your Irrational Thoughts
Irrational thoughts can sneak in when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or feeling insecure. Learning to gently challenge them can reduce anxiety and help us respond more calmly to our emotions.
Here’s a step-by-step method to try:
Step 1: Identify the Thought (and the Trigger)
First, notice the thought and, if you can, figure out why it’s showing up. Writing it down can help make it feel more manageable.
Example 1: “My friend doesn’t want to be friends anymore. I think this because we usually talk a lot more, and lately they’ve been quieter.”
Example 2: “I’m a failure and can’t do anything. I think this because I got a bad grade.”
Step 2: Look for Exceptions
Try to recall times when a similar situation turned out differently than your fear suggests.
Example 1: “This has happened before, and it turned out my friend was just busy with exams.”
Example 2: “When my friends get bad grades, I don’t think they’re failures. I still see their worth.”
Step 3: Gather Evidence Against the Thought
Challenge your brain’s automatic story by listing evidence that doesn’t support it.
Example 1: “Last week, she told me how important I am to her and that she misses me.”
Example 2: “I’ve succeeded at a lot of things. I helped a friend through a breakdown yesterday, I passed my driver’s test, and I got a good grade on another assignment.”
Step 4: Replace It with a Balanced Thought
Try to replace the irrational thought with something more neutral or realistic. Positive thoughts are great, but neutral ones are often easier to believe.
Example 1: “It’s likely my friend is busy and will reach out when she can.”
Example 2: “Failing one assignment doesn’t make me a failure. I’m not defined by one moment.”
Extra Tips for Challenging Thoughts:
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Validate your feelings first. Even if the thought isn’t accurate, the feelings are real and deserve care.
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Use “I’m having the thought that…” Adding this phrase creates distance between you and the thought.
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Combine with grounding. If the thought feels overwhelming, take a few deep breaths or use a grounding exercise before working through the steps.
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Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend going through the same thing.