Coping with Losing an FP
Losing someone, especially an FP, can feel beyond words.
Here’s some advice for coping with the loss of a Favorite Person (FP), but a lot of it can apply to losing anyone important to you.
Things I remind myself:
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These feelings are temporary.
They will pass. Even when it feels crushing and endless, it won’t last forever. When we forget that, it’s easy to spiral into hopelessness. So here’s your reminder: this isn’t forever. -
You survived without them before. You can do it again.
It doesn’t mean it will be easy, but remembering that you existed and survived before them can give you hope that you can do it now, too. -
Be kind to yourself.
Your emotions are valid, and you are allowed to feel them. -
Healing and grief are not linear.
When we lose an FP, it often feels like grief—and it is. You might feel better for a while and then suddenly worse again. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you’re human.
Things I do to cope:
These are personal examples. Your list might look different! But maybe mine can inspire ideas for your own:
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Focus on myself and my hobbies.
Even when I don’t want to, I try to explore hobbies like new shows, books, crafts, activities. Sometimes I even make a list of things I’ve never tried and go through it. If I don’t like it, I scratch it off and move on. -
Let myself feel emotions
My instinct is to shut everything off like a switch, but I’ve learned to allow small bits of grief in at a time. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. -
Use DBT skills.
Urge Surfing helps with impulsive urges, and Radical Acceptance helps me sit with reality. -
Create a Crisis Plan.
Having a plan for spirals can make them less overwhelming. Here's our page on this. -
Diversify my relationships.
Having more than one support person is life-changing, even if you currently have an FP. -
Cut off ties (personal choice).
I deleted old messages, screenshots, and access to their profiles. This kept me from spiraling into checking behaviors. -
Do something kind for someone else.
Helping others lightens my own pain and reminds me that I’m valuable. (This ties into the ACCEPTS DBT skill.) -
Work on self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself for mistakes, for not knowing better, and for being human. I also practice letting go of regrets because I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it. We have a page about this here!
I know it’s hard. I’ve lost FPs and felt like my world was ending, convinced I’d never recover. But I did.
Now, the pain is more like a soft ache that comes and goes. It might always be there a little but it becomes manageable. And that’s how healing often looks.