Self-Validation Techniques
Living with BPD can make your emotions feel intense and overwhelming. When feelings hit hard, it’s easy to look to others for reassurance or to question whether your emotions are “too much.” Learning to validate yourself can help you feel more grounded, reduce emotional spirals, and build inner confidence.
Self-validation means acknowledging your own feelings, thoughts, and experiences as real and important—even if they’re uncomfortable or don’t make sense to anyone else.
Name What You Feel
Put your emotions into words: “I feel hurt and frustrated right now.”
Simply identifying your feelings is the first step toward acknowledging that they’re real and valid.
Acknowledge the ‘Why’
Remind yourself that emotions always have a reason, even if it’s from the past.
Example: “I’m scared because this situation reminds me of being abandoned before.”
Speak to Yourself Kindly
Swap self-criticism for compassion.
Try phrases like:
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“It makes sense that I feel this way.”
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“Anyone in my situation would be upset.”
Normalize Your Experience
Remind yourself that strong emotions are part of being human.
Example: “It’s normal to feel anxious when things are uncertain.”
Offer Yourself Support
Ask: “What can I do for myself right now?”
Even small actions, like drinking water, stepping outside, or listening to music, show self-respect and care.
Separate Feeling from Fact
Validation doesn’t mean your feelings are facts, only that they are real and worthy of care.
Example: “I feel unlovable right now, but that doesn’t mean I am.”
Final Thoughts
Self-validation is a skill that takes practice. By regularly acknowledging your emotions and treating yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend, you can reduce emotional intensity and rely less on external reassurance.