When They Don't Understand Your Trauma
One of the hardest parts of healing can be feeling like the people around you don’t truly understand what you’ve been through. It can feel isolating, invalidating, or even frustrating when someone can’t grasp the depth of your experience or why certain things affect you the way they do.
Sometimes, people don’t understand because they’ve never gone through something similar. Other times, they might be uncomfortable with the topic of trauma, or they believe harmful myths like “you should be over it by now.”
Even though it’s painful, a lack of understanding does not mean your trauma or your feelings are less valid.
Coping with the Feeling of Being Misunderstood
Seek out safe and validating spaces
Not everyone will get it and that’s okay. Look for people who are willing to listen without judgment. This could be a trusted friend, a support group, or an online community where survivors can share openly.
Communicate your needs clearly
Sometimes people want to help but simply don’t know how. Explaining what you need—whether it’s someone to listen, give space, or avoid certain topics can make a big difference.
Set boundaries where needed
If someone repeatedly dismisses or invalidates your experiences, it’s okay to step back. Protecting your mental health is more important than convincing everyone to understand.
Validate yourself
When others don’t understand, self-validation is powerful. Remind yourself: I know what I went through. My feelings are real. My healing matters.
Connect with professionals if you can
Therapists and trauma-informed counselors can provide validation and guidance when others can’t. They can also help you navigate the emotional toll of feeling misunderstood.
Remember
Not everyone will understand your trauma, and that can hurt but your healing isn’t dependent on their understanding. Surround yourself with those who care, protect your energy, and trust yourself. Your story and your progress are valid, even if others can’t see the whole picture.