Coping with Impulses and Urges
Something that comes up a lot with BPD (and other disorders) is struggling with impulse control. When we feel strong emotions, like anger, we might have urges to yell, lash out, hurt ourselves, or do something we’ll regret. Resisting these urges can feel impossible, but it is possible, and learning to cope with them is a huge part of healing.
One approach I use is the “Not Now, Later” method.
Instead of telling myself a hard no, which usually makes the urge worse, I tell myself, “Okay, you can do it… but later.” I’ll set a rule like “sleep on it first” or “wait 30 minutes.” Most of the time, by the time “later” arrives, the urge has passed, and I no longer want to act on it.
Other strategies include:
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Distraction: Keep yourself busy with hobbies, grounding techniques, or comforting activities.
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Journaling: Write down your feelings and the urge. Seeing your thoughts on paper can help you process why acting on the impulse won’t help.
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Reflecting on consequences: Remind yourself why you don’t want to follow the urge. For example, yelling at a friend might feel good for a second but could damage a relationship you care about.
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Reminding yourself it’s temporary: Urges always peak and fade. If you can ride the discomfort for a while, it will pass on its own.
This is often called urge surfing which is riding the wave instead of letting it knock you down. The more you practice, the more your brain learns that you don’t have to react to every urge.
[Please click here for my detailed blog post on Urge Surfing]
You’re in control, even when it feels like you’re not. The urge will pass, and you’ll be proud of yourself for holding on.