How to Talk to a Loved One About Your Trauma

Talking about your trauma with someone you love is brave. It can also feel overwhelming or scary. Remember that you are in control of your story. You get to choose:

• Who to tell

• How much to share

• When and how to talk about it

You never owe anyone your trauma story. You can take your time, and you can share as little or as much as you want.

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1. Ask Yourself Why You Want to Share

Before you start the conversation, think about why you want to talk to this person.

• Are you hoping for emotional support?

• Do you want them to understand your triggers?

• Are you hoping to feel closer to them?

• Do you just need to unburden yourself?

Knowing your reason will help guide what you say. It can also help you recognize if you actually feel ready to talk, or if you are feeling pressured by others or by the idea that “you need to talk about it to heal.”

Tip: If you’re not ready, that’s okay. You never need to force yourself to share.

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2. Decide How You Want to Tell Them

There’s no “right” way to talk about your trauma. Pick the method that feels safest and easiest for you.

• In person

• Phone call or video chat

• Text message

• Email or letter

Each method has advantages. Writing it down can help you stay clear and calm, while in-person talks might allow for hugs or immediate comfort.

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3. Plan and Practice What You’ll Say

• Write down your thoughts or make bullet points.

• Practice saying them out loud if you’re speaking in person or over the phone.

• If it helps, let the person know you might read from your notes so you can stay grounded.

Having a plan will make it easier to share, especially if emotions start to rise.

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4. Communicate What You Need

Before you share details, let your loved one know how they can best support you.

• Do you want them to just listen quietly?

• Would you like encouraging words or physical comfort like a hug?

• Should they avoid giving advice unless you ask?

You can also change your mind mid-conversation. For example, if you first ask them to stay silent but then need a hug, that’s okay. The important part is to communicate your needs as they change.

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5. Set the Scene for Success

Timing and environment make a big difference.

• Pick a private, quiet time with no rush or looming deadlines.

• Avoid busy or noisy places that could make you feel more stressed.

• If sharing with multiple people, consider whether one-on-one might feel safer.

Creating a calm space makes the conversation less overwhelming for both of you.

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Other Helpful Tips

• You control the details. You can share as much or as little as you want.

• You can talk in stages. It’s okay to start with “Something happened to me, and I’m not ready to share details yet.”

• Prepare for triggers. If you experience flashbacks or panic, let them know how they can help.

• Respect limits on both sides. If either of you feels overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause or take a break.

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Final Reminder

You are in control of your story. Sharing your trauma can be healing, but only when you are ready and in a way that feels safe to you.

No one is entitled to the details of what happened to you. You can take your time, share gradually, and protect your emotional well-being above all else.

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Want a more personal, in-depth version of this topic?
Read my full blog post on talking to loved ones about trauma.

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