How Do I Support Someone with BPD?
Everyone with BPD is different, so what helps one person might not help another. The best thing you can do? Ask.
Saying something like, “I really want to support you, but I’m not sure how. Can you tell me what would help?” can mean the world.
Here are some things many of us with BPD find helpful:
Reassurance goes a long way.
It doesn’t always have to be “I care about you” (though that’s wonderful). Even small things like, “Hey, I saw this dog and thought of you because you love dogs!” can feel really comforting.
Message first sometimes.
Even if you usually reach out, making the first move can be super reassuring. A lot of us constantly worry we’re “bothering” people, so getting that first message can ease a lot of anxiety.
Give a heads up if you need space.
You’re never obligated to, but if you’re able to say something like, “Hey, I’m drained right now. You matter to me, but I need some me-time”, it helps us understand it’s not about us.
Set clear boundaries.
Boundaries prevent bigger issues later. For example: “You can vent to me anytime, but I might not respond right away.”
This kind of clarity helps both sides feel safe and respected.
Take care of yourself, too.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Supporting someone is easier and healthier when your own needs are met.