Tips for Handling Rage
Rage can feel overwhelming, especially when it comes out of nowhere or feels bigger than the situation. It’s okay to feel it, and it’s okay to need tools to cope.
Here are some ideas to help you get through moments of intense anger without letting it control you:
Cool your body (TIPP skill)
Even if you can’t use the full DBT TIPP skill, the temperature part can help. Splash cold water on your face, hold an ice cube, or press something cool against your skin. This can physically calm your nervous system and help you feel more grounded.
Surf the urge
When anger hits, it can bring powerful urges. Use your urge surfing skill to remind yourself that urges rise, peak, and pass. You don’t have to act on them, you just have to ride the wave until it eases. Here is my blog post!
Move your body
Physical activity can release pent‑up energy. Run, walk, do jumping jacks, dance, or hit a punching bag if you have one. Movement can help your body process the intensity of anger.
Scream safely
If you need to let the energy out, scream into a pillow, blast music and sing along loudly, or let out a primal yell in a safe space. Releasing the sound can be cathartic.
Use grounding skills
Grounding isn’t just for anxiety. Use the 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 method, name things you see in the room, or focus on a sensory object like a smooth stone or textured fabric. This can bring you back to the present. Here is my blog post on grounding skills.
Seek comfort
Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or stress ball. Wrap up in a blanket or hold a comfort item. Small physical comforts can soothe big emotions.
Step away if you need to
If your anger is directed at someone else, walk away until you can calm down. It’s valid to communicate why you’re upset, but do it when you’re able to speak rather than explode.
Understand your anger
Once you’re calmer, try to look underneath the rage. Sometimes anger is a shield for feeling hurt, abandoned, rejected, or afraid. Saying it out loud can help take its power away:
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“I don’t feel angry. I feel abandoned because…”
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or, if it really is anger: “I feel angry because…”
Validate yourself
Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or scared. Talk to your inner child with compassion: “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here. I can handle this.”
Remember, this will pass
No feeling lasts forever, even the big, scary ones. You can get through this. You are capable of managing your feelings, and every time you cope, you’re building strength.