Handling Shame & Guilt After Trauma
Experiencing trauma can leave behind emotions that are just as heavy as the events themselves. Guilt and shame are two of the most common and most painful feelings that can follow trauma.
You might feel guilty for things you did to survive, things you couldn’t control, or even for being affected by the trauma in the first place. Shame often comes along with that guilt, making you feel like the trauma defines who you are.
The truth is, trauma isn’t your fault. Feeling guilt or shame does not mean you are guilty or broken. It means you are human and you’ve been hurt.
Why Guilt and Shame Happen
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Survivor’s guilt – Feeling guilty for surviving when others didn’t, or for “not having it as bad” as someone else.
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Responsibility confusion – Believing you should have done more to prevent what happened, even when it wasn’t in your control.
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Internalized blame – When others implied or said the trauma was your fault, that shame can stick even if it isn’t true.
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Coping behaviours – Feeling ashamed of how you coped (dissociation, avoidance, numbing, or other survival responses).
Coping Strategies
Challenge the “blame story”
Write down the story guilt or shame is telling you. Then, look at it from an outside perspective: Would you blame a friend for the same thing?
Practise self-compassion
Guilt and shame thrive in silence and self-criticism. Try speaking to yourself the way you would to a loved one:
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“I was doing my best with what I had.”
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“My feelings make sense, but they don’t define me.”
Share with someone safe
Talking about guilt and shame with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group can lighten the weight. Often, saying it out loud helps you realize you’re not alone, and that your self-blame is undeserved.
Separate feelings from facts
You may feel responsible, but that doesn’t make it true. Remind yourself: “This is a feeling, not a fact.”
Allow yourself to heal
Recovery takes time. Instead of asking “Why do I still feel this way?”, try “What can I do to comfort and support myself today?”
Remember
You did not deserve what happened to you. Feeling guilt or shame is a common response to trauma, but these emotions do not define your worth. With time, compassion, and support, you can begin to release their hold on you.